It is commonly believed by many, that confidence is something you are born with. That it's 'in' you. You either have it or you don't.
I'm extremely guilty of believing this and over the years have let it hold me back from MANY opportunities. 'I just don't have their confidence, I could never do that, I am not confident enough'.
But after attending a Tony Robbins conference, I realised that I could be anything I wanted to be. If I wanted to be a confident woman, then I WAS a confident woman.
Then started the personal development, working on my mindset, self-beliefs, and more specifically, limiting beliefs. I knew I needed to truly BELIEVE it, I couldn't just think it, it needed to be who I WAS.
I started to develop little rituals, little things that I did that made me feel confident. Really feeling it and getting that momentum flowing. Ever heard the saying 'fake it until you make it?' It can sometimes be a little like that.
You can put these little tips and rituals into action, and it still may not instantly make you feel confident, or believe you are, but every time you do it, you get momentum, you get a little more confident, even the tiniest change is progress, is growth.
When you get enough momentum, you can take massive action, do that thing that totally scares you, that thing that you think only confident people can do, MAKE yourself do it, even if it scares you.
You are building that muscle, that confidence muscle. Doing the thing that scares you most, that puts you outside your comfort zone, is where the magic happens.
Confidence is not something you are born with, it's a muscle you build, until one day it's effortless and YOU GOT IT, GIRL! Below are my top tips for getting that momentum going, for getting you closer to that feeling, that belief, and to get you feeling like the totally AMAZING, LOVING the women that are, and the women that you are becoming.
Here are my top 10 tips for building and BECOMING a confident woman.
1. Wearing your favourite outfit, the one you feel totally BANGIN in, but reserve for special occasions.
When I first started working full time after having my 5 children, I felt like the biggest fraud actually putting in the effort and dressing up again. I owned a clothing store but struggled to even wear the clothes I sold as I felt they were too dressy and might draw attention.
One day, I thought fuck it, just wear it! Who cares what anyone thinks (something I REALLY cared about at the time) and started wearing what I wanted, what I felt amazing in, what I would normally reserve for weddings etc.
You know what? The only comments I ever got were how amazing I looked, and can you imagine what taking that step, and those comments did for my confidence? You got it, momentum had started, and I was becoming a confident woman, even if I didn't believe it yet.
2. Rocking a killer pair of statement earrings and a bangin lippy!
A given right? I'm an earring designer so this should be an easy one? Wrong! I found a pair of bold dangles drew attention 'Omg, where did you get your earrings from?' Or, 'Wow, those earrings are amazing'. This drew attention I was nervous to receive, for starters I had made the earrings myself, and feedback scared the shit out of me, even if it was good.
Secondly, I was nervous to speak with others, not feeling like I had the 'gift of the gab' or that I even made any sense, as you know, baby brain after 5 babies is a thing. But you know what, after I said fuck it, and wore the earrings and the bold lippy, I got better and better at speaking with people.
I found I COULD actually hold a conversation, and each and every time I got better at it. To the point now, where I can't wait to get out sometimes and chat with everyone in the street, at the cafe, supermarket, etc. It's a part of my life now, and I get momentum from it every single day.
3. Power Posing.
Stay with me now, I know this one may seem a little woo woo, but guys... it works! What is the power pose you ask? It is a stance that is said to be associated with confidence, power, and achievement.
Essentially it is standing like Wonder Women. Chest lifted, head held high, arms propped on the hips. Taking deep, purposeful breaths. Have you ever noticed how your body sits when you are nervous, anxious, or stressed? Usually hunched over, shallow breaths, feeling small.
Changing our physiology can change our state. There is a lot of science behind it (they even do it on Grey's Anatomy before surgeries!) It is worth looking up, but I urge you, just give it a go. It takes 2 minutes tops. Stand like Wonder Women, and then go and do the thing that scares you, I bet, you will be surprised at how much more confident you feel afterwards.
4. Start before you feel ready.
Now, this one is more about taking massive action. The 'Do the thing that scares you' part. Sometimes you need to 'do the thing' before you believe you actually can. You may NEVER feel ready. Don't think: What if I fail? What will others think? Who am I to even attempt this? Do think: What will happen if I DON'T try? Will it be a regret? Will I miss out on the greatest opportunity of my life?
When you do the thing, taking that massive action towards being a confident woman, the momentum will only increase. You are WELL on your way girl, you are crushing it.
It sounds simple right? But it can be difficult when you don't feel like it or may feel there is nothing to smile about. But as I said above, if you change your physiology, you change your state. You can go from nervous and anxious about a situation, say walking into a room where you know no one, to putting a big smile on your face, feeling your shoulders relax, and starting to feel more confident.
Not to mention that your big beautiful smile will attract people TO you. Imagine the people you will meet? The way you will make them feel when you beam that smile at them? Try it. Right now. Put a big smile on your face, one that changes your whole face, leave it there, and notice how different you feel.
6. Create a CONFIDENCE playlist, full of songs that make you feel BOSS and CONFIDENT.
We all have that one song, that total banger, that when it comes on, you can't help but be filled with confidence, power, and excitement. Music really does have a way of changing your mood and state. Create a playlist of every song that makes you feel this way. Put that playlist on when you need that little boost, to get that momentum flowing.
I crank mine when I have finally dropped all my children off in the morning and need to change my state from stressed and rushed to 'I TOTALLY GOT THIS' before I head into work for the day. If you want some inspo you can check out my Spotify playlist here.
7. Celebrate your wins.
Have you ever achieved something, something you worked so freaking hard to achieve, and in the moment felt amazing. Then that moment passed and you moved straight onto the next, not acknowledging or celebrating that win?
I am VERY guilty of this. Moving straight on to the next thing, like I ticked that box so now what's next? Stopping to celebrate, acknowledging what you have achieved, and appreciating it can do wonders for your confidence. Think back on a time you didn't think you were confident enough to achieve something, and then you achieved it?
You are PROVING to yourself that you are capable of being a confident woman, but if we skip straight on, we may not get the opportunity to acknowledge that change and growth, and miss an amazing opportunity to appreciate the confidence you have within you girl!
8. Turn your expectation into appreciation.
Gratitude is the key! Comparison is the thief of joy. These days, with the way social media is, it's especially easy to fall into this trap. Comparing our lives to everyone else's. Comparing someone's confidence to our own.
If you turn your attention from your and society's expectations and appreciate where YOU are and what YOU have achieved so far, it is pretty hard to feel down for long. It is impossible to be sad and down and grateful at the same time.
Everything changes when you turn your expectation into appreciation and an easy way I have found to do this is to keep a gratitude journal. Just jot down 3 things each day that you are grateful for. For example 'Today I was grateful that I had the confidence to wear that amazing dress hiding in my wardrobe. That I stood tall and smiled at everyone I saw. That I gave myself this gift. That I was worthy of it. That I worked on the muscle of confidence. I am a QUEEN!'.
9. Write a list of things you ROCK at.
Always quick to list the things we suck at or hate about ourselves? You aren't alone girl, it almost seems easier to find our flaws than acknowledge the things we ROCK at.
Spend some time, give yourself this gift, and write a list of the things you are amazing at. It can be super small things like 'I rock at putting lippy on'. Or, 'I rock at giving compliments to others'. 'I rock at designing'. 'I rock at wearing that amazing dress'. 'I rock at how much I love my family'. 'I rock at dancing'.
When you write these down, notice how your body changes. Did your shoulders sit up a little higher, did your breathing become a little deeper. Did a smile creep across your face? YEP! Building confidence right there. Revise, revisit, and add to this list whenever you need. Make sure to acknowledge yourself for the things you ROCK at, life is too short to focus on the negatives.
10. Do the thing that scares you the most.
Take massive action. Last year, I left my family for 6 days and went to a conference in Sydney, to see Tony Robbins and to walk on fire. Now that alone scared the shit out of me, but it was more than that. I was terrified to leave my children, I hadn't been away for that long before. I was terrified to fly. Terrified of what people would think of me for putting myself first for a change. Terrified of actually paying for the trip. Terrified, terrified, terrified. But this time, I didn't let it stop me.
Do you know what happened? MY LIFE CHANGED! I walked across those damn hot coals, I celebrated like you wouldn't believe, I completed the whole 4 days and came back a different woman. I took massive action, I told myself I was confident enough, even though I didn't feel it, and gained that incredible momentum to make a HUGE shift in my life. One from a woman who didn't feel enough, who didn't think she was capable, not smart enough, pretty enough, a good enough mother and wife.
To a woman WHO IS GOING TO SET THE WORLD ON FIRE! I wouldn't have gained this belief if I didn't do the thing that scared me the most. There is a whole world out there, just waiting for your amazing self, so do the thing, step outside your comfort zone, take massive action and build that confidence muscle up so it is now WHO YOU ARE!!